More of my favourite quotes

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.
- Terry Pratchett

"The condition of alienation, of being asleep, of being unconscious,of being out of one's mind, is the condition of the normal man. Society highly values its normal man.It educates children to lose themselves and to become absurd,and thus to be normal. Normal men have killed perhaps 100,000,000 of their fellow normal men in the last fifty years." -- R.D. Laing

"the West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact, non-Westerners never do." -- Samuel P. Huntington

"Though human genius in its various inventions with various instruments answer the same end, it will never find an invention more beautiful or more simple or direct than nature because in her inventions nothing is lacking and nothing superfluous" -- Leonardo Da Vinci

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." -- Helen Keller

"The greatest threat to our world and its peace comes from those who want war, who prepare for it, and who, by holding out vague promises of future peace or by instilling fear of foreign aggression, try to make us accomplices to their plans." -- Hermann Hesse

"No man is an Iland, intire of itselfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Manor of thy friends or of thine owne were; any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee." -- (MEDITATION XVII., Devotions upon Emergent Occasions by John Donne) 

"The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule." - H.L. Mencken

Error is continually repeated in action. So we must continually repeat the truth in words - Junius

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. -- Bill Watterson

In Germany, they first came for the communists [incidentally the word communist is often censored in the US, and "Socialist(s)". is/are used instead], and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Catholic. Then they came for me -- and by that time there was nobody left to speak up. --- Martin Niemoller (after failing to speak up to protect a moslem family being abused on London Underground the other day I am ashamed to say that it is easier said than done -- AK)

Mending fences is often more productive than building walls - Axel Klystrom

"Sovereign ingredient for a happy marriage: Pay cash or do without. Interest charges not only eat up a household budget, awareness of debt eats up domestic felicity". -- Robert Heinlein

"People who know little are usually great talkers, while men who know much say little." --Jean Jacques Rousseau

"Add life to your days" instead of days to your life -- Anon

Ah, it is the fault of our science that it wants to explain all, and if it explain not, then it says there is nothing to explain. -- Dr. Van Helsig, Dracula (Bram Stoker) 

"It must be inconvenient to be made of flesh," said the Scarecrow, thoughtfully, "for you must sleep, and eat and drink. However, you have brains, and it is worth a lot of bother to be able to think properly." -- Scarecrow, The Wizard of Oz

"If it's meaninglessness that awaits us, let us live as to make it an unjust fate" -- Miguel de Unamuno

"Never trust a man who reads only one book." -- Anon 

"Always read the other mans book." -- Mahyar Gol-Shekan 

"Civilisation is a self-quenching phenomenon." - Ricardo Edmunds

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." -- Julius Marx

Never explain - your friends don't need it, and your enemies won't believe you anyhow. -- Elbert Hubbard 

"The liberty of a democracy is not safe if the people tolerate the growth of private power to a point where it becomes stronger than their democratic State itself. That, in its essence, is Fascism ownership of government by an individual, by a group or by any controlling private power." -FDR 

Those who cannot forgive others break the bridge over which they themselves must pass. -- Confucius 

Knowledge is not important, imagination is everything. -- Albert Einstein

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking as we used when we created them. -- Albert Einstein 

Where the spirit does not work with the hand, there is no art. -- Leonardo da Vinci 

May you live all the days of your life. -- Johnathan Swift 

A woman is not property, and husbands who think otherwise are living in a dream world. -- Robert Heinlein 

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. -- Tolstoy 

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. -- Albert Einstein

God save me from the intellectual catatonia that results from reading about the Michelson-Morley experiment. - Axel Klystron

Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have. -- Doris Mortman 

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? -----------------------------------------------Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change. -- Anonymous

Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it. -- Robert Heinlein 

"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip."--Will Rogers

It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it. 

Accepting the orthodox consensus is an order of magnitude less attractive than having all my carbon atoms replaced with silicon ones. - - Axel Klystron

You may have tangible wealth untold, caskets of jewels and coffers of gold. Richer than I, you can never be- I had parents who read to me... -- Anon

Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry. -- Robert Heinlein 

Avoid making irrevocable decisions while out of your skull on Scotch whiskey. - Axel Klystron

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way. Anon

Everything in excess! To enjoy the flower of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks. -- Robert Heinlein 

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana -- Groucho Marx

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. 

"Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right."-- Isaac Asimov

In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep. -- Albert Einstein 

Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny. -- Robert Heinlein 

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrity. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. -- Albert Einstein 

There is no conclusive evidence of life after death; but there is no evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will know. So why fret about it? -- Robert Heinlein 

God's commandments - Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. What was that last one? Don't eat pork. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody. -- Jon Stewart 

A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.

You must not give power to a man unless, above everything else, he has character. Character is the most important qualification of the president of the United States. -- Richard Nixon

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. Well, I think my mother is attractive, but I just keep photographs of her. -- Ellen DeGeneres 

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law. -- David Dinkins 

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy. -- Anonymous

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature. Nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.. -- Helen Keller 

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. -- Helen Keller 

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. -- Helen Keller

The worst enemy of capitalism is a successful capitalist. - Adam Smith

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. -- Montaigne 

Cleanliness is next to impossible. -- O'Reilly's law of the kitchen 

if I could figure it out why hasn't somebody else?" - Sandy Kidd

We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are. -- Talmudic Saying 

She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one. -- Oscar Levant to Harpo Marx 

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees. -- Jason Kidd 

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. -- Annie Dillard 

Make a firm decision now... you can always change it later. -- Anon

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. -- Henry David Thoreau 

Reasoning with prejudice is like fighting a shadow, it exhausts the reasoner without visibly affecting the prejudice. -- Henry David Thoreau

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk I have a workstation -- Veronica Echols 

What if there were no hypothetical situations? -- Andrew Kohlsmith 

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. -- Albert Einstein 

Tattoos are the leisure suit of the 90s. -- Sean Tuite 

Learn to pause - or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you. -- Anon 

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a well, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, co-operate, act alone, solve equations, analyse a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialisation is for insects. -- Robert Heinlein 

A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn't feel like it. -- Alistair Cooke 

The only thing worth praying for is that one will be in the line of evolution - - Anon

Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life. -- Sandra Carey

Life is full of cactus but you don't have to sit on it. - - South African sugar packet

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. -- Arnold H. Glasow 

The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship. -- Robert Heinlein

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. -- Einstein

"It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers." --James Thurber

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." -- -James Oppenheim

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it." -- -Franklin P. Jones

"Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats."   -- Howard Aiken   

"I got a lot of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck."   -- George Carlin     

Children nowadays are not respectful of their parents; They grab the best food at the table without thought of sharing; They trample on their parents' toes as they move around the room, and if there are visitors, they interrupt rudely with their own concerns. --Socrates, c. 5th century BC

"Over himself, over his own body and mind, the individual is sovereign" -- (J.S. Mill, On Liberty, 1859)

"The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well."--H.T. Leslie

"If you want to know the character of a man, find out what his cat thinks of him. "--Anonymous

"First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others."--Thomas A Kempis

"A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." --Grace Murray Hopper

"Cultures that wilfully anaesthetise themselves to the past, will infantilise themselves. To have no sense of your parents, and your grandparents, and of the pleasures and pains of actually understanding your antiquity, is to be completely robbed of any freedom to shape your posterity" -- Cicero

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it -- Bob Hope

"'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt." -- Abraham Lincoln

"You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need." -- Vernon Howard

"If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can't buy." --Unknown

"Every man dies. Not every man lives." -- Tim Robbins

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed; second, it is violently opposed; and third, it is accepted as self-evident. --Arthur Schopenhauer 

"Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business." --Tom Robbins

"Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." -- -Nathaniel Hawthorne

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. " -- -Jim Elliot

"There are 10 types of people in this world......those who understand binary and those who don't." -- Anon

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Oscar Wilde:

No man is rich enough to buy back his past. 

"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." 

" A little sincerity is a terrible thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." 

" There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about." 

"A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing"

"It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But it is better to be good than to be ugly." 

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes." 

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Woody Allen:

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else." 

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's a pretty good experience." 

"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch." 

"How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?" 

"If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips." 

"The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.' 

"The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more."

 "Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman." 

"I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own." 

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.  

"Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it"

"Its not that I'm afraid to die. I Just don't want to be there when it happens." 

"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done Just as easily as lying down." 

"The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you." 

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through  not dying."  

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." 

 "Ninety four point five per cent of all statistics are made up." 

Laughter is the closest thing to the grace of God. -- Karl Barth

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." -- Margaret Mead

"I never generalise; I merely extrapolate from selected partial data sets." Anon

"Although the world is very full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." --- Helen Keller

"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." --Sue Murphy

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you." --Rita Mae Brown

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty
violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a
bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
--Jerry Seinfeld

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her. --Ellen DeGeneres

"I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more
specific." --Lily Tomlin

"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.' " --Jerry
Seinfeld

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway
through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be
eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez

"If your feet smell and your nose runs, you were built upside down." - Anon

The cure for boredom is curiosity, there is no cure for curiosity - Dorothy
Parker

We are going to deprive you of an enemy - Mikhail Gorbachev

Pas de Lieu Rhône que nous! -- Anonymous (English speaking person)

The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated.
- Oscar Wilde

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